Is anything supported as a built-in option?  Oh wait, you want us to upgrade to the new version because you no longer support this version.

I figured it out , sort of, what I ended up doing was making a second, bound column on the same field next to it, and used some CSS to take away the border on the header, made the header text blank, and made the item text font size 0px.

the first column, (the one with the template control) ,  Header-CssClass="NoBorderHeader"

the second column (the one with the sorting charm icon)

    <ig:BoundDataField DataFieldName="Cust_Confirmed" Key="Cust_Confirmed2" Width="23px" CssClass="TinyFont">
                                                        
                                                                   <Header Text=" ">
                                                                   </Header>
                                                               </ig:BoundDataField>

the CSS

.NoBorderHeader {
 
  border:none !important;
}
.TinyFont {
    font-size: 0px !important;
}

then I put it right next to the user control column.

it's kind of far apart and looks kind of weird, but it's better than nothing